Destruction of a Hot Wife

I want to first start out by saying that it is very possible to be in-love with two men at the same time so if anyone tells you different they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. I’m a 45-year-old former “HOTWIFE”… A sexually uninhibited married woman with both the freedom and inclination/desire to enjoy sex with both her husband and other men. WARNING!!!  Potential Hot Wives. Never EVER have a regular lover, make sure they’re one nighters because if it isn’t you getting attached it’s the lover, trust me it happens.

My husband likes to take pictures of me naked and doing certain naughty things with toys ..(veggie once and I wont do that again tyvfm!) and other men and women. The men, my husband would find for me on-line thru different sites, god knows how many sites he put me on. Well all of these people thought they were talking with me but they were actually talking with my husband and most of the time I had no clue what he was doing until he found someone who was real and someone whom I might be interested in fucking..Then he would say he found someone. Yes that annoyed me a little because it was like he was forcing me to go out and get laid. Yes I could have said NO but most of the time I didn’t because I found it satisfying in a very sexual way( XTRA LG COCK). Years go by and we have the best marriage and sex that anyone could ever ask for. Hell I had my own X-rated site up for about a year until I gave it to one of the women I met online a couple of years earlier. I did meet a couple of people (2 couples and a single guy) on one of those sites. They have been friends for a few years now and we all text each other daily by phone. So I won’t sit here and say I regret the sites I’ve been on because I completely adore the people who are now my (our) friends. We never mess around with the people we know because first off none of them I would ever consider fucking and second I just threw up in my mouth right now. There are not a lot of people who know our life style and we like to keep it that way. Discretion is a must!

Now more on a personal level about me so you get an idea here…I Love to ride my horse for hours

(Country girl), no guys I’m not talking cock I’m talking the 4 legged 900lb Arabian I bought myself  years ago. We (my mare and I) do A LOT of trail riding and this year we started to go swimming.I love the out doors, I love dogs, Horses, anything to do with out doors and I’m all over it! I would rather work on a farm mucking stalls and digging post holes and repairing fence than sit in an office dealing with bull shit that doesn’t matter to me. I want my horse farm that was promised years ago and more horses and a Garden with smith and Wesson (my German Sheppard’s that I don’t have yet). I don’t like crowds and I would rather stay at home watching sports than go out unless it’s a nice quiet dinner.

My husband is opposite being a suit boy from Jersey living in a city (just over the GWB), doesn’t like camping or sleeping out doors, doesn’t like to go on trails nor does he ride horses nor has the desire to do anything like that so go figure how this has worked for so long. He LOVES to go out to clubs and check out the hot blond girls with small heads (I’m a fake blond but have a normal head) Oh yeah, he wants to live on a golf course in a condo. A condo? I FUCK NOT!!!!! No way in hell I’ll live in a condo. I think this whole wanting a farm thing will never happen because he wants the condo so fucking bad.

I’m very attractive, athletic build, 5’7”, 135lbs and yes I have tats (tramp stamp, hip and back of my neck, small tits and they’re perky and pierced). My husband got me into the “Hot wife” life style about19 years ago.  I never would have though I would live my life being shared by my husband with other men and women. I’ll tell you about a couple of encounters since they were regular lovers of mine. The first one was my husbands close childhood friend; I was so scared at first since he was the very first encounter I had since meeting my husband a few years earlier. My husband is a very good lover and he happens to be my best friend so after about a year of trying to convince me to let him watch his friend fuck me I agreed..Now, the ONLY reason I agreed is because number one they guy was HOT and number two and most importantly he had a HUGE dick and that’s what I was craving. So one night we were sitting in the kitchen of our little apartment and the subject came up, I was shaking and nervous as hell because I didn’t know what the fuck was going to happen and how. We were of course drinking and smoked a joint or three so when I finally relaxed the friend made his move. Now mind you I’m sitting there at about 100lbs at the time, long dark brown hair (natural color) with short shorts on, ass hanging out ..nipples hard but not pierced yet and the good ‘ol vajayjay was wet as all hell. He walked over to me and grabbed my hand and put it on his dick..OMG!!! I swear I dint know if I could take the whole thing, my husband is average and since I hadn’t had natural childbirth I was pretty damn tight and wet, very VERY wet.. At this point I stood up and started to giggle and shake because I hadn’t felt anything that big in a long ass time so I was ready to find out if I could take him or not. We started to make out in front of my husband and it was very nerve wrecking because he was watching us with a hard on. I closed my eyes and let this guy just guide me along. We went to the bedroom and he slowly unbuttoned my shorts and pulled them down. I was pleased to see a smile on his face when he saw a was shaved. He laid me back on the bed and started to lick my pussy, my legs just opened up and that’s when I first started to pretend that my husband wasn’t in the room. After a few minutes of licking me and me Cuming all over his face he stood up and started to unzip his pants, I swear to god I jumped when his cock popped out of his pants because he wasn’t wearing any undies. You should have seen the smile on my face…he pulled his jeans off and kind of forced my legs open, like I was gonna say no or something. He positioned himself on top of me and asked me if I was ready. Fuck yes I said and with that he inched his way inside real slow…JESUS CHRIST HE WAS HUGE!!!! I moaned at every inch and liked it. He fucked me slow after 9 inches got all the way inside me. Thank god I was wet and thank you god for giving a man a great gift. I couldn’t take him inside me for very long so we had to stop after about 30 minutes but since he did become my regular lover for 15 years I got very well adapted to his cock and enjoyed hours of him fucking me every other month or so. Hell we fucked for about 8 hours one night with short breaks for water and a smoke.  So yes for 15 years I fucked this guy and I didn’t get attached one bit. Did you read that? I DINT GET ATTACHED! BUT He started to say things like..”I want to make love to you “ It really turned me off because I wasn’t at all in love with this guy plus he really started to annoy me with some of the shit he would say like…pose like this and pose like that, spread ur legs this way..WTF? I think I know what the fuck I’m doing. There were plenty of lovers that were just that…LOVERS and that’s how I liked it. Now I did love him as a friend and a person but I made it clear I wasn’t IN LOVE..that just wasn’t gonna happen here. NEXT!!!! The next regular fuck buddy lives down the street and still does, married unhappily so he says, they all say that don’t they? Any ways he’s a horrible kisser and lasts only a minute if I’m lucky. This guy is nice but he really is a bad lover I mean come on…a minute??? He says I’m too HOT? WTF? Anyways..this one had recently said the “L” word to me as well. REALLY?!  Go home to your wife!  The ONLY thing I liked was his cock and him bending me over the bed when he got a chance but he didn’t like to fuck me with the hubby around he always wanted me alone and that not only annoyed my husband but it started to annoy me especially hearing the “L” word. I was getting tired at this point with the whole fucking around thing but at the same time the fantasies in the bedroom were a turn on so try to figure that one out. After years of being a hot wife it started to get old and I started to get bored with the whole thing.

The ONLY thing I was missing in my life was for someone to look into my eyes with adoration and not like I was a prize to show off and dress slutty or even to call me a whore..Yes girls he likes the word WHORE!! I  HATE that word and think it’s disrespectful  and besides the “N” word it’s the worse thing you could call someone so when he did call me that he would laugh even though I got upset (god forbid I didn’t want to wear a nipple shirt to accent my small breasts and piercings and a skirt or dress so short I had to smoke a whole joint just to have the balls to walk out in public knowing people were looking at me trying to figure out if I was a ‘WHORE” or not), now don’t get me wrong here, I know my husband loves me but there was that certain look that was missing plus the name calling had turned me off so much I felt sick to my stomach not to mention it just pissed me off. I’m not sure if this makes sense but I’m sure there are some women who can understand where I’m coming from. I had mentioned from time to time my dislikes with some things he wanted me to wear and how he wanted me to act but when I did he got real upset and prissy with me so I played along to make him happy. Years go by playing his (our) games and I did get into it for the most part but was getting annoyed and tired of being told what to wear and how to act and what I can and can’t do and with whom. It just seemed like he made up rules as we went along and it was only on his terms. He even went as far as to say he wanted me to cheat on him with another man. REALLY? I guess I was getting fed up with the whole thing and us all together. Getting tired of being a “shared wife” and tired of broken promises, tired of being some ones maid, tired of being dressed up…I’m just TIRED!!

June 10th, 2011 my life changed forever

This is where things got difficult and my emotions took over……

So……I was riding my horse one day and was coming back from a long trail ride and some guy yelled at me because I was on his lawn and my horse was trying to get away from a big ass truck with an empty trailer hitched to it, god forbid the trailer tries to eat my mare. Any ways, this guy had these two big ass German Rottweiler’s that were the most beautiful specimens of that breed I have ever seen with the perfectly large heads and the focus they had on me and my horse was breath-taking, he told me to “Get over here!”  So I did as I was told, he asked me if my horse was an Arabian and I said yes. This guy put his arms around my mare that happens to be very picky about who touches her and they hugged each other. I was SHOCKED she let him get so close so I thought to myself this guy had to be ok. After a short conversation I rode back to the barn and brushed my mare down then gave her a bath and turned her back out so she could roll. I immediately called my best friend in KY and told her I met her next husband who’s a dog trainer and he knows horses and trains them as well. She called me an ass hole and she wasn’t interested so I took it upon myself to find out a little more about this guy because I was very interested for my own selfish reasons. So, the guy is well-known plus he’s a vet but on disability due to a traumatic incident I will not repeat plus he just got out of a bad marriage so he wasn’t looking to get serious with anyone (BONUS for me!).  A couple of days passed and kept thinking what if…..so a couple of days go by and I stopped by his house but he wasn’t home so I left him a voice mail and a note on his car saying “sorry I missed you” and signed my name. Later that day I get a phone call and it was him. My belly had butterflies and explained to him that I just stopped by to say hello, he said he would be around the following day. So I stopped by after work and knocked on the door, no one answered so I thought to myself this really sucks and maybe next time I’ll catch him, as I was starting to leave and I hear this voice “ Get over here cowgirl!” I almost came in my pants, seriously! We sat on the porch and talked about horses and Rottweiler’s and about my marriage. I never said a bad word about my husband but let him know I was very happy and didn’t plan on it changing. I told him about the hot wife status and that I would be very interested in getting to know him a little better if he wanted, of course he wanted to. So we agreed to talk about it the following day and get the ground rules out of the way…what do I like…what does he like…what position do I like the best. Etc. The next day I went to my new mans house and we went upstairs and sat in the sitting room with his dogs (who I happened to fall in love with right away) we talked about every thing I even told him “DO NOT fall in love with me!” and he told me the same thing since he was just out of a bad marriage he had no desire to have a relationship with anyone and that made me very happy to hear that.

I went home with wet pants and when my husband and I had sex that night he could barley stay inside of me because of it. I told him what I was doing and he said to go ahead to follow thru if I wanted to so I did and this is where I’m at today.

I followed thru and started out fucking this man and having the best orgasms ever not to mention the way he looked at me when he fucked me slow made me cum like never before. This went on for a couple of weeks and that’s when I felt something different, I was falling for a man I just met who was kind and sweet and had the same interests as I. I can truly say this man is my true soul mate… A soulmate ( or soul mate) is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.  I understand that not all soul mates make good partners or even husbands but After 21 years I had to go and meet the one man who has everything in common with me from being laid back to loving nature and wanting the same things I do in life. What the FUCK do I do now?  My husband met this man and liked him but there was a look on my husband’s face that wasn’t right, he was scared or even felt threatened by my new lover, that’s some thing I would have to deal with at home.

A month goes by and I’m seeing my new lover pretty much every day, spending time with him and his dogs (one is a working dog for drugs and search & rescue the other is a therapy dog) I enjoy his company and playing with “the boys” we talked about what we both want in life and that because of our ages life is way to short to be playing games…I felt so complete with him in my life. I finally had someone in front of me who didn’t want to share me with any other man or woman and when he looks at me I felt loved and I felt those tingly thingies you get when you’re in love with some one..you know, that warm jolt that shoots thru your body from head to toe.

WELL!!!!! My husband tells me I cant see this guy anymore because I fell in love..I love them BOTH!! What doesn’t he get? I was the happiest person in the world with my husband and my new lover and now this? NO! I said NO I WONT GIVE HIM UP!!  We argued and I cried after some name calling (whore again) by him then we talked and decided we would come to a conclusion about our marriage after a month, since it was the 4th of July we had to go spend time with family and wanted to enjoy the weekend and not talk about what’s going on with us or our marriage. I haven’t felt any kind of sexual desire since we had the argument a few days ago.

He gave me a choice…I have to do what’s right for myself and it appears I cant have both men in my life so now I have to go and fucking choose one. A man I met a month ago who can give me everything I have always wanted and more BUT I have only known for a month or my husband whom I been with for 21 years but wants different things in life and stalls with the whole horse farm thing.  They both love me but when my new man looks at me he looks at me with love and adoration when my husband looks at me it’s with lust and the “look what’s mine” look.  Why can’t I have both men in my life? Why can’t it be the way it was? Why the fuck all of a sudden I get happy and have the best sex ever with my husband he feels the need to rip my heart out? I know I sound selfish here but come on, I was completely happy with the way things were and my husband and I were having incredible sex and now NOTHING! I FEEL NOTHING!! I’m depressed and I miss my new man so bad I feel like I want to throw up, I don’t smile anymore and I just want to be left alone…more like crawl under a rock and just die. BUT a decision has to be made and I’m the one that has to make it, right? My husband seems to be trying to want to do things I like but it isn’t the same, he doesn’t enjoy it and I know it and that doesn’t help me. I’m sitting here typing and the married ex lover stopped by because he and the husband are friends for some fucking reason. Oh wait…he still wants to fuck me even though I told him I’m DONE!!!! NO MORE HOT WIFE STATUS!! He just doesn’t fucking get it I guess but it’s funny how he’s just wasting his time because I have no desire to fuck him again, sucks to be him!

I want my new man back in my life, I want to go for walks with him and watch him train the dogs, I want to hold his hand when we walk together, I want to look into his eyes when we make love and damnit I want to cum all over his cock again (which happens to be very nice, thank god for girth). I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!

Beware to all the Hot Wives…make sure you have everything in common with your husband and nothing with your lovers because that spells disaster waiting to happen. The stress and tension between my husband and I is not pretty, he’s afraid he will lose me and he just might. I won’t ever doubt the love my husband has for me, this is why this hurts so much. I LOVE THEM BOTH!!! What I want is for ME to be allowed to enjoy MY life with the two men that have my heart that happens to be torn apart right now. I feel empty inside and there’s only one thing on this earth that can cure that and that’s my lover. I need him back!! What I don’t need is for my husband to keep telling me “think about what this will do to the family” yeah I understand that but what the fuck about ME? When am I going to think about what makes me happy? I guess I’m not allowed to be happy as long as the “Family” stays together. Our kids are Adults so I don’t have to worry about custody issues.

JULY 5, 2011: Were back from the Jersey Shore and back to work. I still feel nothing when I’m in bed with my husband and it hurts because all I want is to see my other man. I feel no sexual desire what so ever and we haven’t even had sex since this whole fucking thing blew up, my chest feels like someone is sitting on it. Although my Husband is trying to do right I believe it’s too late, I feel nothing. Were suppose to go to NY for this coming weekend to try to get the flame going again but I seriously doubt that will happen I do believe it’s too late to save the marriage. My heart aches to be in the arms of my lover even though my husband is trying I know in my heart he’s only trying to save his “prize” Hot Wife. Oh I did let him know that there’s going to be no more hot wife status, no more men, no more women no nothing not even nipple shirts unless it’s MY choice. Dinner tonight and he will probably want to have sex. The thought isn’t sitting very well with me right now.  This is hard being with someone for 21 years and actually seriously considering leaving him. I do take offense with the “your going thru a mid-life crisis” remark. How the FUCK do you know that? I’m sorry but the heart doesn’t lie and I believe that my lover will be the last man who ever touches me in a sexual way because quite frankly I don’t want anyone else to touch me even my husband. I’m hurting inside and I need input on this shit I’m going thru right now.

Am I being selfish for wanting to be happy?

Should I stay together for the “Family” and not myself?

Should I just close my eyes and pretend it’s my lover making love to me and not my husband?

Should I even give a shit what people think and just walk away and take the risk?